Victim becomes abuser
I am getting ready to shatter somebody's heart into billions of pieces. I did not want to do it over the phone so he is coming to meet me tomorrow. He knows this will not be pleasant nor good. It will not be easy for me either since this is the most wonderful, caring and emotional being I have ever met.
But I am not in love. And this man deserves to be loved. He is worthy of love - more than me. Way more than me.
I just cannot give love - not right now... Will I ever be able to give my love to anybody again I wonder? Will I ever be able to relax and trust? Will I ever be able to be vulnerable and happy in a healthy relationship?
Probably not as long as my ex has more influence on me than my present. His influence has decreased significantly, but I a still not indifferent. I am still waiting for my indifference to come..
I have turned into my ex and I am about to shatter life of the man who loves me so so much. He has done nothing to deserve this, but I cannot pretend anymore. It is better to stop it now than few months later.. after his attachment has become even greater. How did I become this? How do I stop myself from doing this ever again?
But I am not in love. And this man deserves to be loved. He is worthy of love - more than me. Way more than me.
I just cannot give love - not right now... Will I ever be able to give my love to anybody again I wonder? Will I ever be able to relax and trust? Will I ever be able to be vulnerable and happy in a healthy relationship?
Probably not as long as my ex has more influence on me than my present. His influence has decreased significantly, but I a still not indifferent. I am still waiting for my indifference to come..
I have turned into my ex and I am about to shatter life of the man who loves me so so much. He has done nothing to deserve this, but I cannot pretend anymore. It is better to stop it now than few months later.. after his attachment has become even greater. How did I become this? How do I stop myself from doing this ever again?